


they are SO GAY you guys

by mnemememory



Series: i think i'm funny [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Gen, I think I'm funny, Modern AU, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24437341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemememory/pseuds/mnemememory
Summary: “No, you don’t understand,” she says. “They’re really gay.”“They can be very homosexually active in your comic,” Mr. Sharpe says. “But in this television series there will be less of an emphasis on the…romantic aspects of their relationship, and more of a – let’s call it a ‘very strong friendship’.”“Let’s not,” Jester says.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Beauregard Lionett
Series: i think i'm funny [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764859
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	they are SO GAY you guys

“Beau! They’re going animate my comic!”

The lump on top of Beau’s bed doesn’t even twitch as the apartment door slams open. Jester pouts for a moment, and then launches herself across the room to jump onto the mattress. Beau lets out a squawk of indignation and rolls out of bed, taking half of the blankets with her.

“What?” Beau says, sitting up on the ground and rubbing her head. Her hair is in complete disarray, coming out of its sloppy updo, and her makeup has smudged itself into the pillow. Jester is too excited to care; she’s practically bouncing up and down on the bed, unable to contain her excitement.

“Beau! Beau!” Jester says, rolling out of Beau’s bed so she can land next to her. Beau subtly leans away, rubbing at her eyes and checking her sweatpants for her phone. Nineteen missed calls. Thirty-seven texts. “They’re going to _animate_ Tusk Love!”

Beau blinks a few times, and then seems to actually wake up. She looks up at Jester, a massive smile forming on her face.

“That’s _incredible_ ,” she says, grabbing onto Jester’s muscled forearm and pulling her into a hug. Jester laughs into her chest, feeling warm and bubbly. “I’m so proud of you, Jessie.”

“Thank you,” Jester says, snuggling closer. She can’t stop smiling. Her Mama had been _so proud of her_ when she had called right after the initial contact – and the checkout lady at the supermarket had seemed really sweet about it, and the stranger on the corner-side who was trying to peddle support for the Moonweaver, and also that nice man at the flower store –

There’s a loud thump on the wall, and a muffled voice comes through:

“ _We’ve discussed this_!” Mollymauk yells. “ _If you’re going to have sex, keep it down_!”

Jester is having _such a good day._

…

…

Today _sucks_.

“I’m sorry,” Jester says. She doesn’t stop smiling. “I don’t think I understand what you’re saying.”

The man in front of her has a rather pained look on his face, which would be amusing under pretty much any other circumstance. He was a tall man, with a receding hairline and a creepy-looking moustache that Jester wanted to lean over and poke to see if it was real. His hair was very obviously dyed – far too dark to be natural, especially paired with the sallowness of his skin and the wrinkles around his eyes that Botox just wasn’t hiding anymore.

“As stated in your contract,” he says, and pauses.

“They’re gay,” Jester says blankly.

“Yes, I understand, but –”

“They’re in a very sexually active relationship.”

“Yes, but –”

“Their dicks have touched. Quite a few times.”

Mr. Sharpe. “ _That’s not what_ – Ms. Lavorre, the validity of your characters sexualities isn’t in question. However, the contract you signed stipulates that we can change certain aspects of the narrative that could be – damaging –”

“Being gay isn’t damaging anyone!”

Mr. Sharpe ploughs through. “ _Damaging to our reputation_. We’re adapting out their relationship.”

Jester sighs. “No, you don’t understand,” she says. “They’re _really gay_.”

“They can be very homosexually active in your comic,” Mr. Sharpe says. “But in this television series there will be less of an emphasis on the…romantic aspects of their relationship, and more of a – let’s call it a ‘very strong friendship’.”

“Let’s not,” Jester says, crossing her arms over her chest and sliding petulantly down in her chair.

The meeting had been setting off all of Jester’s red flags from minute one. Mr. Sharpe had introduced himself and urged her to sit down, and then commented on how he was a “fan of her mother’s work”. While this wouldn’t usually be too much of a cause for concern – Jester was very proud of her Mama, after all – coming from a fifty-something man with a bad moustache, it hadn’t been exactly welcome.

Things had only gone downhill from there.

“We started the brainstorming sessions for the script last week,” he says, ignoring the awkward silence that has fallen between them upon the revelation that he and his company are going to _ruin her baby_. Oskar could never be straight! “We’ve got a very accomplished scriptwriter for the job – you might know her from _The Scent of the Sea_ and _Rosed Embrace_ –”

Jester squints at him suspiciously. “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Mr. Sharpe smiles condescendingly at her. “She’s won a lot of awards for us,” he says. “I’m not heading this project – I’ll introduce you to the director later – but I’m going to be your main go-between for it. They’ve very excited to be working on this.”

“Even if you’re erasing my main love story,” she says.

“My company bought the rights to your work because it had an intriguing plot – two best friends –”

“ _Boyfriends_ ,” Jester insists, smile turning slightly strained.

“Trying to be together while their families go to war. It’s a very compelling read. Or so I’ve been told. I haven’t actually read it, of course – we’re managing a lot of projects. The projected ad revenue alone from your website certainly says good things, though.”

“Thank you,” Jester says stiffly.

Mr. Sharpe clears his throat and checks the time on his computer. “I trust that you’ll be working with us to make our adaptation of _Tusk Love_ as popular as the comic is,” he says.

Jester flexes her fingers. This whole time, she hasn’t stopped smiling.

“Oh, yes,” she says. “This whole thing is going to be very fun.”

…

…

_Greetings of the Traveller!_

_Welcome to the patreon of The Court Jester – otherwise known as Jester Lavorre – creator of the widely acclaimed VERY GAY comic-book series_ Tusk Love. _It is a story of revenge, murder, political intrigue, more murder, sex (well, the NSFW stuff is hidden over here :P), and most of all – VERY GAY romance. It’s so gay you guys. Very homosexual. Oskar and Guin are in a relationship and their dicks touch. All the time. There are a lot of dicks in my comic book series. Pledge information to the side!_

[last edited: yesterday]

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**Author's Note:**

> rip sorry i haven't been posting stuff lately. still working. still essential. still injured. you know the drill haha. 
> 
> anyway this is just a quick cracky oneshot to tide me over. I'm sure the angst is not too far away.


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